If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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