my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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