That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I wish I only lived at night.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
