I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
