Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
