He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
