I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
