Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize