When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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