New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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