Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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