I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
