You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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