Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
