dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
