im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize