Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
