I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
