How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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