I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
