Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
