I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
