and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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