note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
