During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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