he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
