Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
