the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
