if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Randomize
