I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize