youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
