Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
