You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I take back everything I said about communal showers
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
