I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
