i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
