I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
