is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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