All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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