I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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