I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
