I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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