I am in a vortex of obligation.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
