just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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