His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
