She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
