yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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