I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize