Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
