Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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