I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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