I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
