i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
