Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
