I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize