Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
