it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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