They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
