they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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