I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
