Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
