he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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