you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
