I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
