I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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