sorry about calling you the devil all night.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
