I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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